The Nicest Man
I received a call from my colleague requesting me to see a new consult. “Janelle, he is the nicest man I have ever met.” Having presented to the hospital with progression of cancer, he opted against advanced or invasive treatment. He simply wished to return home to his wife to spend his final days comfortably. As I arrived on the unit, the nurse stated, “Oh my gosh! He is the nicest man I have ever met.” I entered the room and was greeted with Jim’s kind smile. Before he even spoke I could see what my colleagues meant. I introduced myself. All smiles he said, “It is so nice to meet you!” “Well sir, I have been told by two people that you are quite possibly the nicest man they have ever met. I can see why they said that!” He replied, “As I have gotten older I have become nicer. I have not always been this way. I’ve learned to accept people as they are and let them know I appreciate them.” By the time I left the room, my heart was full and I was filled with gratitude for having the opportunity to meet him.
Resolutions
Many of us have them, year after year. New Year’s Resolutions. It’s a time for a fresh start, to establish new goals. Lose weight, eat more vegetables, spend less time on social media, live more simply, declutter, go to the gym 6 days a week, stop drinking alcohol! And by “Quitter’s Day,” the 2nd Friday in January, 23% of us fall off the wagon. We quit. While all the stated goals and resolutions are admirable, I ask myself how these changes help me to run the race. How do these worldly tasks with worldly goals lead me to live a life that is meaningful and full?
Eulogy Assets
I recently read the book Outlive, The Art and Science of Longevity by Peter Attia, MD. He recalled the life of a dear friend who had died. As she was honored and remembered at her celebration of life, the author was struck by how many eulogy assets she had acquired. These eulogy assets far outweighed her curriculum vitae (CV) assets. He posed the idea that perhaps we should spend more time on these eulogy assets than our CV assets. Eulogy assets are those personal attributes that are meaningful and impactful to those around them. Some might call this the fruit of the spirit. CV assets are accolades, accomplishments and achievements.
In this busy, hurried world where success is measured by possessions, wealth and accomplishments, it is easy to get caught up in the competition and lose sight of what is truly important. We spend so much time chasing the image of perfection we see on social media…the perfect body, marriage, vacation, house. These things are simply not attainable for the majority of us. Since when did the world get to define what perfection is?
Over the years I have cared for numerous people at the end of their lives. People from all walks of life: rich and poor, young and old, all religions, gender identities. In those final moments I have never heard someone say they wished they had won another award, wore a size 2, worked more hours or bought more cars. They have regretted not taking the trip or spending the time, not saying they were sorry or asking for forgiveness. Oh how life might have been different if they had loved more, laughed more, lived more!
Meaningful resolutions
What if our resolutions looked different this year? I have spent time reflecting on the many wise words that have been shared with me from the dying and those who have loved and cared for them. These are my top inspirations:
The nicest man: Accept others for who they are. Show people you appreciate them.
The formidable woman: Share your faith and be a witness. Remind others that they are forgiven.
Aunt Laurie: Love your people. Fill your life with meaningful relationships. Love and support your husband always.
Survivor of loved one lost to suicide: Forgive others who may have hurt you.
My father: Love your children. Provide for them.
My mother: Live with integrity and dependability. Be sure to read a lot of books!
My mother-in-law and Uncle Doug: Humbly care for your spouse and honor your vows.
Former student Stacey: Care for others. To have cared for another is to be truly successful.
The bible: The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
In 2025 my resolutions are different. I want to bank my eulogy assets and care much less about my CV assets (this is a huge shift for me). Nobody is going to care how many awards I win, what degree I hold, how much I weigh or whether or not I use the most popular Sherwin Williams color on my walls. This year I want to love more, strengthen meaningful relationships, grow closer to the Lord and take more time to enjoy all the blessings God has bestowed on me. I hope that this year you will be inspired to make your own meaningful resolutions!